01. If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
02. Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?
03. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
04. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
05. The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims”.
06. Over 100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
07. If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
08. Why is there a ‘D’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
09. As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake!
10. I’m responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.
11. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
12. My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there’s a new strain out there.
14. It’s not my age that bothers me – it’s the side effects.
15. I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.
16. As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
17. As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy-efficient.
18. I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
19. If you find yourself feeling useless, remember: it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
20. Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
21. I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas
22. I’m on two simultaneous diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.
23. I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
24. My mind is like an internet browser. At least 18 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
25. Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
26. My wife says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.
27. There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.
INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT THE 1% ERS
99% of people born between 1930 and 1946 (GLOBALLY) are now dead. If you were born in this time span, your ages range between 77 and 93 years old (a 16-year age span) and you are one of the rare surviving one-percenters.
You are the smallest group of children born since the early 1900’s. You are the last generation, climbing out of the depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war that rattled the structure of our daily lives for years.
You are the last to remember ration books for everything from tea to sugar to shoes. You saved tin foil and poured fried meat fat into cans.
You can remember milk being delivered to your house early in the morning and placed in the “milk box” at the front door. Discipline was enforced by parents and teachers. You are the last generation who spent childhood without television and instead, you “imagined” what you heard on the radio.
With no TV, you spent your childhood “playing outside”. There was no city playground for kids. The lack of television in your early years meant that you had little real understanding of what the world was like.
We got “black-and-white” TV in the late 50s that had 3 stations and no remote. Telephones (if you had one) were one to a house and hung on the wall in the kitchen (who cares about privacy).
Computers were called calculators; they were hand-cranked. Typewriters were driven by pounding fingers, throwing the carriage, and changing the ribbon. INTERNET and GOOGLE were words that did not exist.
Newspapers and magazines were written for adults and your dad would give you the comic pages after he read the news. The news was broadcast on your radio in the evening. The radio network gradually expanded from 3 stations to thousands.
New highways would bring jobs and mobility. Most highways were 2 lanes and there were no Motorways. You went downtown to shop. You walked to school.
Your parents were suddenly free from the confines of the depression and the war, and they threw themselves into working hard to make a living for their families.
You weren’t neglected, but you weren’t today’s all-consuming family focus. They were glad you played by yourselves. They were busy discovering the postwar world. You entered a world of overflowing plenty and opportunity; a world where you were welcomed, enjoyed yourselves. You felt secure in your future, although the depression and poverty were deeply remembered.
Polio was still a crippler. Everyone knew someone who had it.
You are the last generation to experience an interlude when there were no threats to our country. World War 2 was over and the cold war, terrorism, global warming, and perpetual economic insecurity had yet to haunt life. Only your generation can remember a time after WW2 when our world was secure and full of bright promise and plenty. You grew up at the best possible time, a time when the world was getting better.
More than 99% of you are retired now, and you should feel privileged to have “lived in the best of times!” If you have already reached the age of 77 years old, you have outlived 99% of all the other people on this planet. You are a 1% ‘er!
DEVASTATING BATTLE! Russian 72nd Brigade CEASES TO EXIST.
As an attorney, I hesitated to forward this as it can be an indictment against my profession. But I believe there is much truth to the article below. Very thought-provoking. Lawyers are adversarial and are trained to try to win at all costs. It may work in litigation but does not work well when governing our nation. Trying to win at any costs creates the polarization and hatred that now fills our country and leaves no room for common sense or legitimate debate.
Every Democrat presidential nominee since 1984 went to law school, although Gore did not graduate. Joe Biden (no surprise) was at the bottom of his class. Every Democrat vice presidential nominee since 1976, except for Lloyd Bentsen, went to law school. Barack Obama was a lawyer. Michelle Obama was a lawyer. Hillary Clinton was a lawyer. Bill Clinton was a lawyer. John Edwards is a lawyer. Elizabeth Edwards was a lawyer. Look at leaders of the Democrat Party in Congress: Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer is a lawyer. Former Senator Harry Reid was a lawyer
The Republican Party is different. President Trump was a businessman. Presidents Bush 1 and 2 were businessmen. Vice President Cheney was a businessman. President Eisenhower was a 5 star General. The leaders of the Republican Revolution: Newt Gingrich was a history professor. Tom Delay was an exterminator. Dick Armey was an economist. Ex-House Minority Leader John Boehner was a plastics manufacturer. The former Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist is a heart surgeon. Who was the last Republican president who was a lawyer? Gerald Ford, who left office 31 years ago and who barely won the Republican nomination as a sitting president, running against actor Ronald Reagan in 1976. The Republican Party is made up of real people doing real work, who are often the targets of lawyers. This is very interesting. I had never thought about it this way before.
The Democrat Party is made up of lawyers. Democrats mock and scorn men who create wealth, like Trump, Bush, and Cheney, or who heal the sick like Frist, or who immerse themselves in history like Gingrich. The Lawyers Party sees these sorts of people, who provide goods and services that people want, as the enemies of America. And so, in the eyes of the Lawyers Party, we have seen the procession of official enemies grow. Against whom do Hillary and Obama rail? Pharmaceutical companies, oil companies, hospitals, manufacturers, fast food restaurant chains, large retail businesses, bankers, and anyone producing anything of value in our nation.
This is the natural consequence of viewing everything through the eyes of lawyers. Lawyers solve problems by successfully representing their clients, which, in this case should be the American people. Lawyers seek to have new laws passed, they seek to win lawsuits, they press appellate courts to overturn precedent, and lawyers always parse language to favor their side. Confined to the narrow practice of law, that is fine. But it is an awful way to govern a great nation.
When politicians, as lawyers, begin to view some Americans as clients and other Americans as opposing parties, then the role of the legal system in our life becomes all-consuming. Some Americans become adverse parties of our very government. We are not all litigants in some vast social class-action suit. We are citizens of a republic that promises us a great deal of freedom from laws, from courts, and from lawyers.
Today, we are drowning in laws. We are contorted by judicial decisions. We are driven to distraction by omnipresent lawyers in all parts of our once private lives. America has a place for laws and lawyers, but that place is modest and reasonable, not vast, and unchecked. When the most important decision for our next president is whom, he will appoint to the Supreme Court, the role of lawyers and the law in America is too big. When House Democrats sue America to hamstring our efforts to learn what our enemies are planning to do to us, then the role of litigation in America has become crushing.
Perhaps Americans will understand that change cannot be brought to our nation by those lawyers who already largely dictate American society and business. Perhaps Americans will see that hope does not come from the mouths of lawyers but from personal dreams nourished by hard work. Perhaps Americans will embrace the truth that more lawyers with more power will only make our problems worse.
The United States has 5% of the world’s population and 66% of the world’s lawyers! Tort or legal reform legislation has been introduced in congress several times in the last several years to limit punitive damages in ridiculous lawsuits such as spilling hot coffee on yourself and suing the establishment that sold it to you and to limit punitive damages in huge medical malpractice lawsuits. This legislation has been blocked from even being voted on by the Democrat Party. When you see that 97% of the political contributions from the American Trial Lawyers Association go to the Democrat Party, then you realize who is responsible for our medical and product costs being so high.
“DANG I SEEM TO REMEMBER THIS HAPPENING BEFORE. WAS IT IN GERMANY UNDER ADOLF HITLER? MAYBE UNDER MAO DURING THE CULTURAL REVOLUTION? NO MATTER NONE OF THE BOOKS LEFT FOR STUDENTS TO READ WILL HAVE THE ANSWER TO THOSE QUESTIONS.”
September 15, 2023
Canadian school library removes all books published prior to 2008
Every book published prior to 2008 has been removed from a public high school library in Canada to ensure that kids are not exposed to non-inclusivity. Yes, you read that correctly. Imagine the surprise of students at Erindale Secondary School in Mississauga, Ontario, when they entered the school’s library last spring to discover…empty shelves. Staff told them, “If the shelves look emptier right now it’s because we have to remove all books [published] prior to 2008.”
Why? Because “The Peel District School Board works to ensure that the books available in our school libraries are culturally responsive, relevant, inclusive, and reflective of the diversity of our school communities and the broader society,” according to the school board.
And the Ontario Ministry of Education (OME) describes the PDSB’s “equitable curation cycle” as “a three-step process that holds Peel staff accountable for being critically conscious of how systems operate, so that we can dismantle inequities and foster practices that are culturally responsive and relevant.” What are these three steps?
Step 1: Teachers/librarians are instructed to focus on reviewing books that were published 15 or more years ago (AKA problematic books).
Step 2: An anti-racist and inclusive audit is conducted, during which a book’s quality and appeal are defined by “resources that promote anti-racism, cultural responsiveness and inclusivity.”
Step 3: A second — or “representation” — audit is performed, noting how books (and other resources) reflect student diversity.
What happens to the books that don’t pass muster? Apparently, they are “S-canned,” because board documents state they could be “causing harm.” Causing harm?! Yes, the musty old books could be a health hazard, either because of their physical condition or because “they are not inclusive, culturally responsive, relevant or accurate.” Ergo, the board documents say the books cannot be donated, as “they are not suitable for any learners.” MORE HERE
WHILE I WAS THERE, I SNAGGED ANOTHER ON… VINTAGE Photo of San Jose Police Officer Glen Terry, busy at work.
The U.S. Marine Corps is asking for the public’s assistance in finding a lost F-35B Lightning II Jet after the pilot ejected during a “mishap” near Charleston, SC. READ STORY HERE
Al Goes Bra Shopping! | Married With Children
THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before.
4. If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I’m going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there’s supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, ‘Did you eat?’
14. You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
15. You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y’all is singular. All Y’all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don’t need no dang Driver’s Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT THE 1% ERS
Received from a friend.
WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING BADGES! HERE
A little ad lib fun…
COURTESY OF IVAN COMELLI’S FACEBOOK PAGE “VINTAGE SAN JOSE POLICE” VIEW HERE:
WHILE I WAS THERE, I SNAGGED ANOTHER ON…
VINTAGE Photo of San Jose Police Officer Glen Terry, busy at work.
L.Pyle#1621