Bagpipe Your Heart Out!

Wonderful English from Around the World

Cocktail lounge, Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR

Doctor’s office, Rome:

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok:

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:

TAKE NOTICE:  WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:

ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ?  IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a Bangkok Temple:

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

In a Cemetery:

PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:

GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:

OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar:

SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:

THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:

YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:

IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:

WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A Laundry in Rome:

LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

And finally the all time classic:

Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:

IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…

 C’ya

Mattos Mail Bag! Hello all,Gentle reminder, PBA meeting this month on the 20th. POA Hall, doors open at 5.The August breakfast/brunch gathering was held last Thursday. Ernie Alcantar, Danny Vasquez, Ted Vasquez, Armando Realyvasquez Mike Kihmm, Terry Handforth, Bill Santos, Candy Lopez Susan Annino, Craig Clifton, Dan Ortega Larry Lundberg, Dave Wysuph, Mo Reyes George Padilla, Brian Hyland, Bill Lara Paul Gardner, Jim Spence, John Quinn Henry Duran, Enrique Marquez John Quinn, Bud LoMonaco, Dave Byers Armando Elemen, George Padilla, Bill Lara Annual Reserve Peace Officers Conference Retirees Jeff Martin and Steve Papenfuhs attended the Annual Reserve Peace Officers Conference in South Lake Tahoe last week. Both made presentations at the event and sent in some photos of retired PD personnel and former reserve officers. Thank you to Jeff for sharing. Nancy Elam, Ken Leong, Tom Pham, Steve Papenfuhs, Jim Ureta Pete Urrutia, Mark Ligouri, Louis Borges, Bob Collins, John Seaman Thang Le, Rick Mizgorski and his wife Phil Juan, Kelvin Pham Reserve Coordinator-Sgt. Sean McCarthy, Reese Gaumont and family SJPES Scholarships The San Jose Police Emerald Society is sponsoring four individual scholarships applicable to a 4-year university, 2-year technical school, junior college, or the Police Academy. Please refer to the attached flyers for further information and applications. SJPES PAGE 1 SJPES PAGE 2 From Brian Hyland: I just received the finished “short” video that was done about your Emerald Society bagpipe band called Bagpipe Your Heart Out. It started out as a documentary about one of our members and turned out to be about what and why we do what we do. Use it and share it as you wish. Officer Richard Huerta’s memorial was held at Oak Hill cemetery on August 6, 2025. Below are the pictures of that event. Ernie Alcantar PBA President

L.Pyle#1621