Funny Joke
A man arrives at the pearly gates of heaven and is welcomed by an angel who offers to give him a tour…
As they stroll through the golden streets, the man notices an enormous room filled with clocks of all sizes and styles, each one ticking away at a different pace.
Intrigued, he asks the angel, “What’s with all these clocks? Why are they here?”
The angel smiles and explains, “These are ‘Lie Clocks.’ Every person on Earth has one. Every time someone tells a lie, their clock moves forward.”
The man’s eyes widen in amazement as he scans the room…
He notices some clocks with hands that barely move, and others that seem to be stuck.
But then, he spots a whole section of clocks where the hands are spinning at an alarming speed…
“Whose clocks are those?” he asks, pointing to the rapidly moving clocks.
The angel chuckles softly, “Oh, those belong to salespeople. Their clocks tend to get quite a workout.”
The man can’t help but laugh at the thought and then remarks, “I’m surprised the lawyers’ clocks aren’t right there with them.”
Curious, the man tilts his head, “By the way, where do you keep the lawyer’s clocks?”
The angel replies, “Oh, we keep those in the office… “
“We use them as ceiling fans.”
[ 
SHORT JOKE OF THE DAY ]
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. 
It’s impossible to put down. 
AMAZING!
SJPD Arrests Suspect for Sexual Assault
Post Date: 09/03/2024 11:45 AM
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
| TYPE OF CRIME: Sexual Assault | CASE NUMBER: 24-055-0049 |
| LOCATION: Camden Avenue and Lancaster Drive | |
| VICTIM: Withheld | AGE: |
| ADDRESS: | |
| SUSPECT #1: Julio Cesar Cortez | AGE: 19 Years |
| ADDRESS: Rialto resident | |
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| Suspect Julio Cesar Cortez |
| IN-CUSTODY |
On February 24, 2024, at approximately 2:55 AM, San José Police Department Patrol Officers responded to a local hospital for a report of a sexual assault. Upon arrival, Officers discovered that a few hours prior, the adult female victim was in her vehicle when she was approached by an unknown adult male suspect who sexually assaulted her in the area of Camden Avenue and Lancaster Drive. The victim self-transported to the hospital where she reported the crime.
SJPD Sexual Assault Investigations Unit (SAIU) Detectives immediately began a comprehensive investigation into the incident. Detectives identified Julio Cesar Cortez as the suspect and obtained a warrant for his arrest.
On August 6, 2024, suspect Cortez was located and arrested in the city of San Bernardino by the San Bernardino Police Department. On August 11, 2024, SJPD Detectives transported the suspect back to the city of San José where he was booked into Santa Clara County Main Jail for sexual assault.
Anyone with information about this case or similar cases is asked to contact Detective Corral #3996 of the San José Police Department Sexual Assault Investigations Unit via email: 3996@sanjoseca.gov or 408-277-4166.
Submit crime tips and remain anonymous by using the P3TIPS mobile app, calling the tip line at (408) 947-STOP, or on www.
| BY: Stacie Shih #1559N | AUTHORIZED BY: Lieutenant Williams |
| DATE: 09/03/2024 TIME: 11:30 AM | DATE: 09/03/2024 TIME: 11:30 AM |
Deril the dog amazed the audience at Crufts 2017 (‘The World’s Largest Dog Show’) when he performed CPR on his owner Lusy Imbergerova. HERE
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STATE OF THE UNION
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Found on Facebook: David Wysuph
Annual dove hunt. The Hole in the Wall Gang protected the ranch from a flock of rampaging rogue bull dove. My 3 sons and all 7 of my grandchildren (missing son in law Jason, but the uncles brought his son!). We made sure the Winchester ammo factory workers will stay employed. Only one grandson shooting a shotgun this year, the rest were great bird dogs (as Grandpa needs a lot of help!). Kids run from 7 to almost 14 years old, 6 boys and one perfect warrior princess Granddaughter)
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C’ya
L.Pyle#1621