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020923

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LET’S GET THIS FARSIDER OF WITH A START! CLICK HERE

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nEditor’s Note:

A source has informed me that while Punxsutawney Phil was basking in his 15 minutes of fame, FBI Agents searched his burrow and found Classified Documents used to line his litter box.nMAKE UP YOUR MIND TO HAVE FUN WITH EVERYTHING!

nJust a quick note to let you know that I’ll be making an appearance at the Gilroy Barnes & Noble on Saturday Feb 11, from 11:30-5 pm, reading stories and signing copies of my book, FAST FICTION. I’d love to see any members of the tribe who happen to be in the area.

nFOR THE LOVE OF A DOG…..n

DOG GETTING CUDDLES ONTHE TRAINnn

REUNION AFTER 14 DAYSnn

JUST HELPING DAD!n

FARMERS HELPERnn

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nnSomeone is pulling your legn

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February 2023 Happens Almost Every Year, Not Once In 823 Years!

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Here is the short summary – February 2023 is NOT a lifetime event that happens once every 823 years.

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In fact, as most Februaries go, this February is nothing special, and here’s why…

nFact #1 : Most Februaries Have 4 Full Weeksn

Every February has 28 days, except for leap years where they gain an extra day and have 29 days.

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Years that are divisible by 4 are leap years, except for years that are divisible by 100 years.

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1896 and 1904 are leap years, but not 1900.

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2096 and 2094 are leap years, but not 2100.

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There is one exception though – years that are divisible by 400 have a leap year.

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1800 and 1900 are leap years, but not 2000.

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nFact #2 : Roughly ¾ Of Februaries Have 4 Weeksn

Roughly ¾ of Februaries have 28 days, and therefore 4 full weeks with 4 Sundays, 4 Mondays, 4 Tuesdays, 4 Wednesdays, 4 Thursdays, 4 Fridays and yes, 4 Saturdays too.

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In other words, February 2022 isn’t unique at all in having 4 of every day of the week… definitely NOT every 823 years.

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In fact, it is far more common for Februaries to have 4 Sundays, 4 Mondays, 4 Tuesdays, 4 Wednesdays, 4 Thursdays, 4 Fridays and 4 Saturdays, than anything else!

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10 years of Budweiser commercials.n
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This will blow your mind. Think of exploded view of a piece of equipment in need of repair and/or medical applications.

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Enough cameras with enough data and the possibilities are endless.

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Shopping at the Husband Storenn

The Train of Lifenn

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nnFiring Squadnn

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Donald Trump, George Bush and Joe Biden were captured by a militant group in a small central American country and were set to be executed by a firing squad. Donald Trump was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out “Earthquake”. The firing squad fell into a panic and Donald Trump jumped over the wall and escaped during the confusion.

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George Bush was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and George pondered what he had just witnessed. Again before the order was given George yelled out “Tornado”. Again the squad fell apart and George slipped over the wall.

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The last person Joe Biden was placed against the wall. He was thinking, I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall. He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction, he grinned from ear to ear and yelled “Fire”.

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In God we Trust

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Just some trivia for you...Click HERE

How about a cold one in Larry’s back yard?nnDinner Datenn

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‘I will be signing’: Gavin Newsom backs California Democratic push to limit concealed carry gunsnCalifornia Gov. Gavin Newsom answers questions at a press conference to push for the passing of Senate Bill 2 in Sacramento on Wednesday, Feb. 1, 2023. SB 2 would update the states concealed carry licensing process, add new age restrictions, impose strict gun storage and training mandates and limit where permit holders could carry firearms in public. Story HERE

HUH?nnWHO DAT PRETTY BOY?

Senior Texting Codes

nnNot to be outdone by these kids, we senior members now have our own short-hand codes.nn

nnATD – At the Doctor’snn

nnBFF – Best Friend’s Funeralnn

nnBTW – Bring the Wheelchairnn

nnBYOT – Bring your own teethnn

nnCUATSC – See You at the Senior Centernn

nnDWI – Driving While Incontinentnn

nnFWIW – Forgot Where I Wasnn

nnFYI – Found Your Insulinnn

nnGGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Lownn

nnGHA – Got Heartburn Againnn

nnLOL – Living on Lipitornn

nnTOT – Texting on Toiletnn

nnTTYL – Talk to You Loudernn

nnWTP – Where are the Prunes?nn

Hope these help ….. GGLKI ! (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)

Goodnight Prayers

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A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa.”

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nnThe father asked, “Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?” The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”nnThe next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.nnA few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, “God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.”nnThe next day the grandmother died.nn“Holy crap” thought the father, “this kid is in contact with the other side.”nnSeveral weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, “God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.”nnHe practically went into shock. He couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.nnHe figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.nnWhen he got home his wife said, “I’ve never seen you work so late. What’s the matter?”nnHe said, “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”nnShe said, “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!”nnn

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nnUncle Paul was on the USS Aylwin bouyed in Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7th. 1941.n

Senior Citizen Jokesn

nGarage DoornnThe boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.nnHis assistant walked up to him and said, n‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’nnThe boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.nnAs he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.nnHe then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door’nnHe headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?’nnShe smiled and said, ‘No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires..nnTwo elderly Gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’ Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’nn‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’nnA senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: n‘So I hear you’re getting married?’‘Yep!’nn‘Do I know her?nn‘Nope!’ n‘This woman, is she good looking?’ n‘Not really.’ n‘Is she a good cook?’ n‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’ n‘Does she have lots of money?’ n‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’ n‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’ n‘I don’t know.’ n‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’ n‘Because she can still drive!’nnThree old guys are out walking. nFirst one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ nSecond one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ nThird one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’nnA man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. nIt cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art.. It’s perfect.’ n‘Really,’ answered the neighbor . ‘What kind is it?’ n‘ Twelve thirty..’nnMorris an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.nnA few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.nnA couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’nnMorris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”nnThe doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’nnA little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.nnAfter catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.nnThe waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’nn‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis’nnNow, before you ‘forget’, send them on to some other folks you know who could use a good laugh.n

nnMIRACLEIN FEBRUARY INFO. READ HERE

Yes, we have our problems, issues, differences and debates. However, you will be hard pressed to find another country with as much freedom as the good old USA. So, if you do not like the USA either articulate your objections in a civil manner or find another country to bitch about.

Our Great country

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for Welfare. At first the lady said. “Dogs aren’t eligible to draw Welfare.” So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and have no clue who their daddies are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. She also put their names on the democrat voter registry.

Is this a great country or what.

nBaggage Handlersnn